James's Tales

Through My Blue Eyes - Chapter II: What you have done.

His hands started to shake. His mouth opened.

“Mom….” He whispered.

He put down the letter. His voice failed him once more. But then…

“MOM!!!” he cried.

I heard Mrs. Daniels run up the stairs.

“honey, what is it, are you hurt?”

“mom!”

All he could say was that. He delivered her the letter. She read it quickly and stumbled to the lower floor, grabbing the phone.

“Hello, Mr. Shire? Hi, it’s Helen, Stephan’s mother…!” Her voice cracked a little. “You have to come home quickly, it’s about your son, Samuel. “

My dad hung up, and she hugged Steph.

“Stay calm, honey, everything’s gonna be fine…”

I felt the uncertainty in her voice. I felt like I wanted to cry, but my eyes didn’t shed a tear.

“Why… why can’t I cry?”

“Because you’re deceased. The living can mourn the departed, but not the other way around, my dear… But wasn’t that what you wanted? A place where you wouldn’t cry…?”

Later, she leaded me to my house again. Stephan, his mother and my dad opened the front door and run up the stairs. The adults went straight to my room. They couldn’t find me. Steph began to cry again and ran to the bathroom, locking himself in.

“I would he do this…?”

His eyes were closed, and his head was turned towards the ceiling. Then he locked in front of him. There I lay, with a wide dark-red cut in each. A pool of blood surrounded my body. He looked into my closed eyes horrified.

“M… MOM!” He shouted.

He unlocked the door, and gave passage to her and my father. She looked away instinctively, and my father ran towards me, dropping on his knees. He hugged my dead body and wiped, like I’d never had seen him do before. He started shouting random words that I couldn’t understand. Mrs. Daniels called 911. But I knew they wouldn’t arrive in time. I looked at Kirah. She looked at me disappointed. Minutes later, I heard the sirens. My dad was still hugging me. Or at least, what was left of me. Steph was looking at that scene in a lifeless way.

What have I done…?

Through My Blue Eyes - Chapter I: What You Left Behind

Something’s not right. I’m dead… How am I seeing Stephan now? Wait… He’s knocking on my door. He as a smile on his face… I think he doesn’t know… maybe it was a dream?

“ C’mon dude! Open up! Let’s go! We’re late! We got to meet with the guys in two minutes!”

His southern accent always made me picture him with a cowboy hat – and he indeed brought one to school once!

Finally, he gave up punching the door and ringing the bell. He put his hand down his pocket and grabbed his phone. After dialing my number, he got frustrated with the voicemail message. “Hi, you tried to reach Samuel! I’m not currently available, but feel free to leave a message after the bip!”.  He looked up, to my room window. He shook his head and turned around. I followed him, trying to talk to him, but he didn’t listen.

“He can’t hear you, honey” A female voice said.

I glanced at her. A bright aura surrounded her. She was beautiful, like nothing I’d ever seen. Her blond long hair was brilliant, her blue eyes were shining… But they were sad, and so was her red-lipped mouth.

“What… Who are you?”

“I’m Kirah, your guardian angel, Sam…” She replied.

“Are you fooling me…?” I asked, hesitant.

“No… You killed yourself, remember, in the bathroom upstairs…? I’m here to show you something… What you left behind…”

“What did I left behind…?” I inquired.

“Come with me… It’s nearly the time…”

She opened her white wings and grabbed my hand, raising me above the clouds. When she started descending, I recognized Steph’s house. We went through the walls, into his room. He opened the door, and noticed a paper on his desk.

“Mmm… Let me see… Oh, it’s from Sam…”

He read the letter. As I read along with him, his expression changed.

Dear Steph…

It’s hard to write this… Probably you remember me saying goodbye to you, early this morning… You said «I’ll see you later». I whispered «No, you won’t…».

You are my best friend since we met, three years ago. We’ve shared secrets, joys, loves, and sorrows. If anything good happened in my life, I’m sure it was you…

But….I can’t do this anymore… There are people that… They make my life a nightmare. Even if I think about you, I can’t help it but be knocked down by them. I made a decision, and I know you don’t approve it, but I don’t see any other way.

I’m ending all this pain. But I’ll go without doubting that I’ll miss you…

Love, Sam.

Through My Blue Eyes - Prologue

Tic. Tic. Tic. The blood drops made a strange sound hitting the bathroom floor. I looked to the ceiling. I imagined God. How would He be like? Would He accept me in his paradise, after all I’d suffered. I feel my life being drained from my body. Bu vision is starting to get blurry. I glance one last time to my open wrists. The crimson liquid runs down my arms, staining my shirt and the white floor. I start to feel the relief. Finally, all that pain, all that sorrow… All of it is disappearing. Now I can feel the long waited peace… Oh, my God, how long I’ve I waited to be next to you? Will you accept with open arms? Or will you cast me into damnation? Nowhere is worse than here. The Devil as brought hell upon me on Earth, how can you not accept me? You’ve abandoned me. Now, this lost sheep is about to find his shepherd again. The foggy vision has now become dark. I can still hear someone knocking at the door. It’s probably Steph… He might have received my letter by now. Goodbye.

For The Fisrt Time - Chapter IV: Punches

The next day I went to school, trying to pretend nothing had happen. But people don’t forget things that easily. I could feel the looks, hear the jokes… I went to the soccer practice, like I did every Thursday. I ran a little late. The guys were talking loud and laughing but suddenly stopped when I came in. I soon realized they were making fun of me. Their glances felt like steel-cold knifes piercing my back as I changed clothes. None of them was moving. They were just looking at me and they were trying to cover themselves as discretely as possible.

“Dude, are you serious? Yu should just leave.” Matt, the team captain, said.

The other ones agreed with some “yeah” and “he’s right, go” but I kept dressing my shirt, like I hadn’t heard.

“Listen, fag, just fuck of!” Matt shouted.

I closed my eyes and put my backpack in the locker. As I closed the locker, I felt Matt’s hand grabbing my shoulder and pulling me, so I’d turn around. His fist was near my face.

“Are you playing stupid with me, hun?”

I didn’t answer.

“Say something!” He shouted, trying to hit me.

I leaned to my left side, and rolled on the floor. Matt’s fist hit the lockers, making a weird cracking sound. I stood up and looked at him. He had tears in his eyes, and his hand was bleeding.

“ohh… I think it’s broken!” He cried.

Our teammates just stood there, pale and silent. I bit my lip nervously.

“Er… Let me see it…” I suggested.

“Stay away from me!” He said, pointing me a finger of his unharmed hand.

“Will you just stop being such a homophobic jackass and let me check if you need medical assistance or what?!” I replied, taking a step forward.

“Don’t even think about…” He started.

I finally gave up, allowing me to observe his hand. He hesitated when I tried to grab his hand.

“Oh come on, you’re not even my type!” I said, rolling my eyes.

Someone laughed but stopped abruptly when he faced Matt’s glance.

“I think you broke your fingers… All of them… Nice punch you gave there…” I said. “Can someone call the nurse?”

They all exited the locker room, leaving me and Matt alone. I looked at my jammed locker.

“Great… I hope you can use your strength to undo that.”

“Not a chance I’ll do anything for you, fag.”

“Will you just stop it?!” I begged, furious. “I’m sick and tired of the shit you tell about me! You think I can handle it all?! Well I can’t, and I have limits! And you, my friend, have crossed them long before you knew I am gay! So just shut up! I didn’t ask you too like it, but also didn’t told you to make fun of it!”

“Don’t talk to me like that, queer!!” He shouted.

“That’s. It.” I grunted.

I wasn’t expecting me to punch him. I hit his belly as hard as I could. E bended and dropped on his knees, as the soccer team entered the room with the nurse. She was about to tell me something, but I just went out of there, running like I never had before.

For The First Time - Chapter V: Attacked And Comforted

My mom had left half an hour before to a meeting. She and her bosses were going to have dinner at a fancy restaurant. I had the whole house for myself. I grabbed my equipment and went out, to the archery club. As it was winter, the night had already fallen and the streets were dark. Suddenly, I felt some movement behind me. I stopped and looked around. Three shady figures wearing hoods which covered their faces. Another two appeared from an alley to my right. One of them had a baseball bat in his hands. My heart started pumping furiously. My hand grabbed my bow as fast as I could. Two seconds later an arrow was pointed to the baseball bat guy.

“Don’t even think about that.” I warned. “If you take one more step, I’ll pierce you with this beauty…”

They hesitated and glanced at each other.

“Now, we can do this the easy way – you let me go and nobody gets hurt, or the hard way – I shoot you and get out of here anyways.” I threatened.

They kept looking at me. One of them stepped forward. I aimed at him and shot, ripping off his hood, revealing the face of one of the soccer team players. His eyes were wide open, and a tear of fear rolled down his cheek.

“Next time I’ll aim at your dick.” I said, grabbing another arrow and backing off the circle they had made around me.

Once I turned to my right in the crossroad I ran like I never did before. When I arrived to the club, Tristan looked at me with concern.

“Oh boy, you look pale…”

“You won’t believe what just happened…”

When I told him what had happened he got angry. I’ve never had seen him like that before.

“If those bastards ever cross my way….!”

“You’ll just keep quiet about it, my life is enough of a hell as it is right now.” I begged.

“Ok, but how can you keep up with the insults?”

“I can’t. That’s the problem… I think I’m not strong enough…” I said, shedding a tear.

“Oh, baby, come here…” He replied, hugging me and kissing my head. “You are strong, I know it. Just don’t let them get to you, ok?”

“I’ll try… But I feel so lonely right now…”

He kissed my head again affectionately and pulled me against him.

“You are not alone, Alexander. I’m here for you, for whatever you need.” He offered.

I smiled thankfully. Then, he grabbed my chin with two of his fingers, and moved his face near to mine. Our lips touched and I felt like my heart was floating. I opened my mouth slightly, letting his tongue caress mine. My hands slide up and down his back, in a warm and comforting embrace. That moment I felt surprised but also safe, like I hadn’t felt in a long time before. His kiss, his arms, his body, his heart beating against my chest… All of it felt like home to me. And I went along the flow, feeling his hands cuddling my body. He then looked at me and smiled.

“I’ve wanted to do this for a long time…” He whispered.

“Thank you…” I said, leaning my head in his shoulder. 

For The First Time - Chapter III: Target Practice

The arrow whistled through the air, hitting the red circle in the center of the target with a muted sound.

“Wow, impressive, indeed.” A familiar voice said.

“Hello, Tristan.” I replied.

“I haven’t seen you here in a while… You only come here to decompress…” He commented. “Can I help about that?”

I rolled my eyes. Since I was little, Archery had been my favorite sport. My parents encouraged this passion, and I’d practiced it since I can remember anything at all. It had been a huge presence in my life in my early years as a student. But then, as the subjects at school got harder, I ended up spending less time at the archery club. I met Tristan Frost some years ago, in a competition. We had grown very fond of each other since we first met, and he had become one of my best friends, despite the fact he was five years older than me. He had this gift to read into people’s minds and hearts and always knew what I was thinking or feeling. He was a very calm boy and a wise adviser.

“I’m not sure, Trist… I’ve never talked with you about this…” I said, grabbing another arrow.

“Is it about you being gay?” He asked.

“Oh, shit, are you serious?!” I cried. “Even you know that?! I thought He only had put the papers in the school!”

“What are you talking about, Robin Wood?” He interrogates, clearly confused.

The first time he had ever called me that was after the first championship I won. Since then, he used that nickname to address me in a more loving and paternal way.

“Richard… He spread the word in my school…” I started.

“Oh! What?! No, dear God, I’ve always known.” He assured.

“What?!” I said, looking at him skeptically.

“I mean… I assumed you were. I overheard on of your phone conversations with Rachel. I’m sorry… But I’m okay with it, if you want to know.”

“Are you…?”

 “Of course! Being homosexual doesn’t define your personality. You’re not a worse or a better person just because you are gay. That is just a detail of your intricate feelings. “ He argued. “And don’t let people get to you with that. You’re a fair and lovely boy, Robin Wood. Never ever doubt that.”

I smiled at him. He shot an arrow that pierced right through my last one.

“Wow, impressive, indeed…” I said.

“What, my speech or my shot?” He laughed.

“Both.” I answered “And I’m glad there are people like you in this world.”

“Unfortunately, there aren’t enough people like me in this world.” He added.

We kept shooting the targets, while I told to him what had happened at school. He said that I should just snap Richard and Joanna’s necks. I said that, although it was a really appellative thought, I couldn’t do that because I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life in jail because of them.

For The First Time - Chapter II: Public Humiliation

“Just hurry up, honey!” My mom shouted.

I yelled at her that I was almost ready, and ran to get my backpack. She pushed me gently to the outside and locked the door behind her.

“You’re always like this when I give you a ride!” She said, while getting inside the car.

“I’m sorry!” I replied, fastening my seatbelt.

She drove to the school and left me near the crossroad in the corner of the school. I kissed her forehead and ran to the green gates. Suddenly I felt something was wrong. Not that I’d seen anything suspicious, I just felt that it wouldn’t be a great day. Rachel came to me, whit a big, fake smile on her face. Her mouth was smiling, but her eyes were worried.

“What happened?” I asked, scared.

“Nothing!” She squeaked.

“Ok, you just can’t lie to me, you know that. Tell me.”

She hesitated. Someone called her.

“Aaron!” Rachel said. “How are you doing…? Oh, you’ve done that… Ok, thank you… Oh, no, no, no, don’t do that please! Listen, I’m with Alexander right now, we’ll meet you there, ok?!… I don’t know! Throw them away, of course!”

I glanced at her, raising one of my eyebrows. Something odd had happened.

“Will you tell me what’s up, Rachel?” I begged.

“There’s no time! We need to get to Aaron before he does something stu…”

She stopped talking when a guy looked at me. It was a cold and disgusted look. He called for one of his friend’s attention. His eyes glanced at me just like the first one. I just wanted a hole in the ground to hide myself.  “The games have just begun…” Richard’s voice said, in my head. The eco of his words in my brains was unbearable.

“I… I think I have to sit down…” I mumbled.

“First we have to stop Aaron from literally killing Richard…” She announced.

I made an effort to follow her. We ended up finding him at the school’s canteen. He was already looking for Richard.

“Rachel! Glad I found you! Oh dear Olympian deities, you’re so pale, Al!” He cried grabbing my shoulders and making me sit in one of the near chairs.

“I’m ok, I’m fine, don’t worry” I reassured, forcing a smile.

A series of noisy and irritating toc-tocs warned of her arrival. Joanna and her best friend walked towards us with a triumphant smile on their faces. I felt my heart sinking in my chest, as I realized that those twisted smiles were directed at me. Oh, no… I’m so screwed right now… Aaron grunted when he saw them.

“So, Alexander, right? Oh dear… Have you seen what’s written about you all over the school?!” She asked cynically.

She put her hand into her bag, and took a crumpled piece of paper. Then, Joanna showed it to me. In the center of the sheet was printed a picture of me smiling naïvely. On the borders could be read in black fat letters: Meet the new Queer Queen of our school, he’s Alexander and he thought his secret was well kept, but now everybody knows it! He’s Gay!!

Joanna laughed like a hyena when I finished reading it. Aaron grunted again, whispering something like “you’re lucky I don’t beat girls down…” I calmly raised myself of the bench, ceasing their laugh.

“Yes. I’m gay. So what?” I said, looking her in the eyes. “There’s many more people in the world like me. So, what? Don’t like it? Just fuck off.”

Her mouth was opened in a round o. I smiled at her and winked as I walked out of the canteen.

For The First Time - Chapter I: Enemy Ahead

“Oh my, look who is coming!” Rachel warned.

I turned around, spotting him right away. It was Richard, a… person? Can I say that about him? I’m not sure. Our relationship is quite odd, in fact. But I can tell you about it. See, Richard and I met some years ago. Until I met him, I had never had heard of him. Then, I started to hear rumors. People talked about him like he was some kind of evil mastermind… I never listened carefully those rumors. He never hurt me, so, why would I care? But then, one day, I saw what he was capable of. He humiliated a girl publicly, just because he didn’t like her. She went to see me once after that. “I know you’re not like him, like the others say… Just stay away from him while he can’t hurt you to” she said. I then confronted him about what had happened. HE accused me of being a hypocrite, and that I was giving more importance to what I had heard from other people’s mouths than to what he said. But then, he made a big mistake. He threatened me, saying that I should watch my mouth if I didn’t want to end up like that girl. And I ended it right there. I said I never wanted to see him again. But he just didn’t give up.

“Hello, Al!” He complemented.

He caught my attentions there… The only person I’ve ever met that called me Al was Aaron. Obviously, they had been in touch.

“Don’t call me that.” I hissed, “You’re not allowed to.”

“But Aaron said you didn’t mind he called you…”

“You’re not Aaron, are you?” I responded. “So just get out of here. I’m not in the mood for your games.”

“Oh, my dear, but the games have just begun…” He threatened.

My heart raced in my chest, pumping so hard that I was sure it would rip my ribs open.

“What are you insinuating?” I asked.

“Oh, nothing…” He said, with a mysterious glance.

Then, he just walked away, like nothing happened. Then Aaron approached. Rachel was about to tell him something, but I stopped her. I could tell she was mad at him for had been talking with Richard.

“So… Now I see who that guy was…” Aaron mumbled. “Sorry…”

“You didn’t know him, you don’t have to be sorry, it’s ok” I replied.

Rachel grunted and walked furiously towards the School building. She always felt like that in the presence of Richard. I think that the things he did affected her even more than me. I sighed and sat down in the wooden bench, stretching my legs and leaning my head back. Aaron sat next to me, with a leg bended over the bench, facing me.

“What’s wrong?”

“I’m scared, Aaron.” I said, with a trembling voice.

“Don’t be, Al.” He asked. “He won’t do anything against you. I won’t allow it.”

I rolled my eyes, playing nervously with my fingers. I had never had such an intimate conversation with him. And I had no idea that I was the kind of person that made that kind of promises to his friends.

“Thank you for your words, Aar, but he’s relentless, you know?” I warned. “And I don’t want you to get in trouble because of what he might do.”

He breathed deeply, like if he wanted to tell me something important, but stopped himself seconds after doing it.

“Just for the record, I’ll be there for you whenever you need me.” Aaron informed, winking

For The First Time - Prologue

Riiiing. The School bell rang, announcing the beginning of that class. I ran through the green metallic gates, afraid of being late again. I almost slipped twice in the wet floor. Like always, the rain never ceased to fall in England.

“Hey, Alex, how are you doing?!” Rachel called.

 She had been a friend of mine since pre-school. I waved at her, happy to see her again since the Friday before.

“I’m fine! What about you?” I asked, kissing her cheek.

“I’m ok…”

I detected some hesitation on her voice. Something was wrong, and I had a hint it was about the boy she had a crush on.

“What did Kyle do now?” I asked, rolling my eyes. “Don’t tell me he treated you like crap again…”

She didn’t reply, letting a girl pass through us.

“Yes… He told me… He told me he liked a girl, you now…”

“Who is she?” I interrogated, opening the classroom door and lowering my voice.

“Joanna Hampshire…”

My eyes were wide open. My voice had died in my throat, and I felt my stomach roll in my belly. Joanna Hampshire was known as the school’s typical popular girl with whom every boy wanted to date. But she was famous for treating everyone like crap. But I kept it simple:

“What?! That bitch?!” I whispered angrily.

“Hey, watch your tongue, Mister!” My teacher reprehended, pointing her pen at me.

“Sorry, Mrs. Hale!” I replied, glancing scared at the wrinkled woman.

Rachel laughed, hiding her face with her hands. I wrote down the summary, and turned to her again.

“Listen, Rachel, this only proves that he’s not a good guy for you. I mean, only people like Joanna can feel that way about her…”

“And you think I didn’t say that to myself? But what can I do?”

“Forget him!” I cried.

“Al, you should keep it lower, mate.” Aaron advised.

I looked at him, smiling. Aaron was the new guy. He went to our school in the beginning of that year. We connected really quickly and soon became very fund of each other. His parents were German, but I had never met them. Despite that, he talked a lot about them, and told me that his blond hair was like his mother’s, and his blue eyes were just the same as his father’s. I thought he was cute. But obviously, I never told him that. It would scare him off like a passing truck would scare a chicken…  Not that he’s a coward; it’s just that not everyone would be happy to know about my sexual orientation. And besides, he was a very masculine boy, you know? Straight, I’d dare to say, In spite of the fact that I’d never seen him with a girl.

“What are you thinking about?” Rachel asked, hitting my shoulder friendly.